Thursday, July 22, 2010

My World

After several pleas for me to blog here goes.....

I've got much I'd like to say. Much has been in my thoughts and heart. I just haven't slowed down long enough to organize my thoughts. What a pitiful excuse, huh? Actually, it's the truth.

Each January I establish personal goals. Some years the list is long and very detailed other years it is much shorter. This year I simply put three goals on my list. Little did I realize the amount of effort and prayer that would go into ensuring I accomplish my short list. Following is my 2010 Goals.doc

increased prayer for my children
aggressive in teaching/training
aggressive in studying/preparation

The goals were formulated with prayer and meditation. I wanted to write meaningful things that I truly would work to accomplish. Things that would help me yet have a positive effect on others.

First, let me say when you make a STRONG determination to commit things to God and see His will accomplished expect opposition. Later in January we hit our first obstacle. It was quite a challenge but we made it through. Then our family attended Because of the Times in Alexandria and were blessed. We fight battles and win victories as a family. Surely, victories were gained at BOTT.

In the Spring I went through a major surgery. A few weeks into the recovery I questioned if I had done the right thing by going thru the surgery. Later I realized God had ordered my steps. The recovery process allowed alone time at home to reflect on God. During this time I truly feel I grew closer to Him. Through the first quarter of the year the church continued to grow and the ministries of the church strengthened.

One Thursday morning in late May I was awakened by a God dream. At the time it felt more of a nightmare. Might I add every Mom's nightmare yet I knew it was from God. I dreamed my beautiful unwed daughter was with child. I lay still in bed weeping and talking with God until Kent awoke. I apprised him and immediately made my way to our daughter's room. I told her the dream and she began to weep telling me her fear. This began the longest weekend of my life. We went that afternoon to the doctor only to get a positive test. We shared the news with our parents and siblings immediately. We found great love and support. We had some ministry friends to come to our home and pray with us and our three children. Friday and Saturday we took time telling the ministers and church board. Then on Sunday night Kent told our entire congregation with our family sitting on the front pew. I can't explain the great amount of love and support we gained from our church family. The ONLY negative remarks we have received are from a few persons who no longer worship at CUPC.

The first few days were like a death had occurred in our family. Thankfully, we made it through those dark times with the help of our church, family, and friends. A couple of weeks later we went as a family to Texas District Camp Meeting. We were overwhelmed with the love, prayer, and support we received from the ministers and wives. On Wednesday morning the minister knew NOTHING about our circumstance and prophesied to Kent. Then we had a couple of other very evident divine moments. Each of us left refreshed in the Lord.

The first month I could not have made it without my friends, Jerry Ann Guidroz, Renee Flowers, Judy Gandy, and Karen Wehrle. They continue to call or text to check on us. Then there is Sis. Benson, Sis. Russo, Gena Caruthers, and others who have gone out of their way to make sure we are ok and to encourage our daughter.

Immediately we got busy making sure our daughter is well taken care of. Bro. Wayne McClain, our pastor, told us she was forgiven before we even knew. He knew she had already made things right with God. Bro. McClain admonished us to love her and continue with life as it were prior to our knowing of the pregnancy. He said if God forgives then we as well as others should. While we knew he was right we also knew we had a church to protect. We wanted our church and daughter to know she didn’t just do wrong but she committed sin against God. Much to our surprise we didn't have to protect the church. They protected us. What awesome saints! Friends as well as saints told us God had arranged for the right people to be in our lives for this time. I know they are right and stand amazed at God.

Now, we are enjoying watching our daughter plan for her baby by preparing the nursery, choosing names, picking out which outfits the baby will wear at the hospital, etc. She is going to be an awesome Mom. Of course we don’t know the gender so final plans can’t be made.

Someone not knowing anything about our circumstances told me God had given them a word for me. "The problem that has robbed you of your joy is going to bring you the greatest joy." I stood and wept and wept. The lady did not even know our daughter. When I told her what we were dealing with she cried. Then replied, "God is right a grandbaby will bring you the greatest joy you have ever experienced"

While I wouldn't wish this crisis on an enemy I am thankful that we see how God prepared us for it. We are doing great and we know great days are ahead for our daughter and grandbaby.

I work with many unwed Moms in bus ministry. I love these dear Moms and their children so much. Just as I have shown mercy we are receiving mercy. Thankfully during this time CUPC has continued to grow and prosper. In fact I believe even greater things will come thru this process that we have experienced. I now love with a new love and show mercy with a new mercy.

I'll try not to be the insane grandmother and let every post be about the baby but as Kent told our church...."Our grandbaby is going to be cuter than yours" :)

Keep us in your prayers.....


Mrs. Wizzle said...

My prayers thoughts and heart are with you.

Anonymous said...

We love you and your family!!!!! You are an awesome sister chick!


Sis. Susan Roen said...

Tracie, thanks for sharing your heart. Blessings on all of you!

Love you, Susy

Linda Weldon said...

What an awesome, heart-felt and annointed post, Sis. Smith! I hope you know that you and Redonia, as well as each one in your family, are in my prayers continually. I am more proud than ever to be a member of CUPC. I love each of you dearly, more than I can ever express in words.

Keith and Carla said...

My love and prayers are with you and your family!!!

Anonymous said...

Sis. Smith, I am a pastors wife and happened on your blog through a missionary that was in our home and used our computer. I have LOVED reading your post. My heart was touched as I read this particular fact...I am in tear's as I write. You are God's anointed and your prayers and the prayers of your family and friends will sustain your daughter. I am thankful that you can look at this as you have. I know many pastors children that have lost out because of being harshly judged. I am also overwhelmed by the love of your church family. We are going through a 'hard' spot at the moment and I can honestly say that several in our church would not be so forgiving toward our children. For should be very thankful. I wish to remain anonymous but would ask that you keep me (Jan) and our church in your prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sis Smith,
I am a pastor's wife in East Texas. I completely understand what you have went through, for we found ourselves in the same situation with our daughter, 18 years ago while pastoring in Oklahoma. The heart break was overwhelming in the beginning but God began a work in us and it is so true that what hurt you so much becomes your greatest joy. I will keep you in my prayers for I know you will all need it in the days ahead. Thank you for sharing your heart, it has encouraged many I'm sure. God will continue to sustain you and strength you and you will be able help others through this.
God Bless You and your family

Anonymous said...

Thank you returning your blog, and sharing your heart. God knows all things. Your wisdom, understanding and love can be an example to others dealing with the same type of situations.

Anonymous said...

You may never know how many people you have helped by posting so transparently. More than one young lady has found herself in this situation and embracing God's love and forgiveness is the only way back. Praying for you and your family.

Cyndi Kaye said...

Thank you for sharing such a personal situation. This scripture is a little out of context "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this"...but it came to mind because who knew that sharing your situation would bless and help others going through similar circumstances.
This post was forwarded to a young girl in the same predicament and truly was a blessing to her as well as her family.

Tracie Smith said...

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful remarks. It means so much to our family. Cyndi, I'm thankful we can help someone else. We are committed to SERVE regardless how we must serve.

To my fellow minister's wives. Every church has been thru times when there are members hypercritical of PK's. Definitely our daughter has done wrong and criticisms may be in order. We are thanking God, however, that He has chosen to remnove the critics for this season in our lives. We have experienced criticism in the past. God's mercy is new every morning. He knew in this storm the criticisms would destroy our child. God is merciful!

Darla said...

I love you and your family and have been praying for you! I'm thankful God has given you peace in the midst of this storm. He is good and His mercy endureth to all generations!!

Ron and Jerry Ann Guidroz said...

Tracie: I posted but for some reason it didn't go through. We love you and your family. Thanks for letting us walk with you during this time. We believe in you. God is wrapping His arms around and carrying you through the storm as He has done many times for me. Love you.